the story of how a family is created

On Tuesday morning, March 2nd, we found out that C was going to be discharged from the hospital that day. We went to Wal-Mart and got some photos printed to give to her, and I wrote her a card to go along with her gift, and off we went to the hospital. When we arrived, a staff person from the adoption agency was already there in the room, visiting with C and admiring the baby. We stayed in there all together for awhile, chatting and getting instructions from nurses who came in and out of the room, then the social worker from the agency (we’ll call her A) told us that C was ready to sign papers and we could wait in the waiting room and then she’d come and find us. So, once again, we went to the little waiting room and sat. We ran out to the car to get our gift for C and some paperwork we didn’t know if we’d need or not, and then we waited some more. This morning when we woke up, we thought that C would be in the hospital for another day of recovery, so this suddenly seemed very real very fast. This was really happening! After what seemed like forever (as well it should), A showed up at the waiting room with a stack of papers for us to sign. While we were in the midst of our own stack of paperwork, there was a bit of a kerfuffle with a miscommunication with the hospital staff, but that was eventually sorted out. Finally, all papers were signed.

We returned to the room where C was hanging out with the baby, holding him and talking to him. In addition to the photos at Wal-Mart, I’d also purchased a pink tote bag to put our gift in (why buy another paper bag when the fabric one–infinitely reusable–was only a few dollars more?). I was holding the bag (with the gift and a card inside) when we came into the room and C said, “cute bag!” (whew, she liked it!) and I said, “oh! this is for you! Would you like me to open it since you’ve got your hands full?” she agreed, so I took out the gift to show it to her.

I had made her a quilt to match the one I made for Gabriel. Only the “story” on her quilt starts out with her and ends with us (instead of the other way around) because this quilt is HER story. I briefly explained the concept of the story, but didn’t go into all of the symbolism because I’d explained it in the card so that she could read it later and because we were already all feeling pretty emotional. I started crying when I was telling her about the quilt (and also showing her the one I’d made for Gabriel so she could see how they matched) and that started her crying a few tears and she said, “Look at what you made me do! This is the first time I’ve cried!” (but I don’t think she was really angry).

“A” took some pictures of us all together with each of our cameras and then we gathered our things, ready to go. As we were leaving, the nurses asked us to wait for a pediatrician to come give us some instructions, so we trooped BACK into the tiny hospital room and sat and waited. Finally, the doctor arrived and gave us some basic baby care instructions (that we pretty much already knew) and some things to watch for and some things that might happen that were normal (which we also pretty much already knew) and asked us to come back next week sometime for his one-week check-up. And then? We were ready to go. A nurse brought a wheelchair for C (standard protocol) and we all went to the front desk and checked out.

We all left the hospital at the same time. “A” was going to take C home, and before she got in the car, C came over to say goodbye to the baby. He was all strapped into his car seat and his little hand was up by his face, fingers splayed wide and it totally looked like he was waving. She pulled the sunshade of the seat up a little higher because she thought it was a little chilly for him. She said her goodbyes and then took his quilt and draped it over the seat so that he wouldn’t get cold. Then, she got into A’s car and we went to our car and by the time we were all settled into our places in our vehicle, the other two were already gone.

We drove back to the hotel and I kept peeking under the blanket to see if he was really there. He really was. When we got back to the hotel, I snapped a photo of J holding him and sent it to C to let her know we’d all arrived safely. Such a long journey, but we have finally arrived safely.

so let’s see… where were we?  oh yes.  I forgot to mention that also that first night, when the nurse brought him in, she told us that it was just about time for his next bottle, so I fed him and then “C’ burped him.  So cute!

We spent the next day hanging out with “C” and the baby in the hospital.  He got a dirty diaper while “C” was holding him.  She asked me if I wanted to change him, so I said I’d give it a try.  Unfortunately, he wasn’t quite done and oh, my, the POO that came out of such a little boy!  All over the bassinet and all of us laughing and laughing.  He’d already gotten his first poop story and he wasn’t even a two days old yet!

(no photos–lucky you!)

We had such a good time visiting all day.  Talking and sharing stories and admiring this beautiful baby boy together.

of course, you knew that we wouldn’t get through this chapter of our story without having to scrap another rough draft didn’t you?

we left our house on Saturday afternoon and drove about eight hours that first day.  The plan was to drive to San Antonio on Sunday, stay with my relatives there overnight, pick up the Pack-n-Play we’d had shipped ahead, then drive the last two hours to the town where “c” lives and spend a relaxing day with her, hanging out, snacking and talking, then i would be able to be with her during the c-section, scheduled to happen at 7:00 a.m. on Tuesday.

Instead, about an hour after we left our hotel on Sunday morning, she texted me to say that her water had just broken.  goodbye relaxing day of visiting with “c”, goodbye pack-n-play, goodbye possibility of being present during the surgery.  dang it.  okay, deep breath.  if she had called us with this news yesterday or the day before, we STILL wouldn’t have been able to enjoy any of those things and we wouldn’t have been packed or ready yet.  Yes, we would have flown instead of trying to drive, but we still wouldn’t have had a possible chance of getting there in time for the birth.  As it was, at least we were already on the way.  We were already packed and would be there just as soon as we could–about 12 more hours.  After a few frantic phone calls to see if there were any flights out of Memphis that would get at least one of us there sooner (grr…nope, not really), we resigned ourselves to the inevitable and tried to stay in contact with the outside world via my phone.  My battery started running low and we suddenly realized that the cell phone charger we’d brought with us was totally non-functional, so I had to recharge my phone off of my laptop.  We texted and called “C” as often as we could.  She sent us photos of the baby that her mom had taken after he was born and she was awake.  We tried to send flowers, but NO flower shops in her town were open on a Sunday and the local grocery store and Wal-Mart didn’t deliver flowers and the hospital gift shop (run by volunteers and i never saw any fresh flowers there after we arrived) was also closed on Sunday.  I even found a website that advertised “Same day delivery, guaranteed!” and I called them and asked and they said that no one in that town was open.  She helpfully told me that if I’d ordered the flowers yesterday that the shops would have delivered them on Sunday, but that’s not really same-day, now is it?  Apparently their guarantee wasn’t really worth much.  Sigh.

As I mentioned before, “C” had been texting us and talking with us on the phone throughout the trip.  She told us that her mom had been able to be with her during the surgery, so at least she wasn’t alone when the doctors put her under.  She also told us that at first, she hadn’t wanted to see the baby in person before we got there (she looked at photos her mom had taken first), but after awhile, she thought that if she was going to “get all emotional” maybe it would be better to do that without us watching her, so she asked for him to be brought in to see her.  She had enjoyed having time to talk to him privately.  She sent us pictures of him over her phone.

After 14 hours of driving straight through (we did stop for gas three times and we stopped once for a meal at Dairy Queen (where we had to giggle at the country song about International Harvester–is it a hit song or a commercial?) we finally arrived at the hospital.  It was 11:00, but I’d called ahead and was told that if we went in and told them that we were visiting from out of town, they’d let us in to visit.

When we at last got into her room, we sat and visited with her for awhile.  We asked how she was feeling and then she told us more details about her side of that crazy day.   We all agreed that while it wasn’t what any of us had planned, it had all worked out fine in the end.  After we’d been at the hospital for about an hour, a nurse wheeled the baby in from the nursery.  I asked if I could pick him up and “C” said it was okay, and then i got all nervous.  How do you pick up a tiny baby out of one of those plastic bassinets?  How do you pick up your (possibly, potentially) son for the first time?  Then I took a deep breath and just did it.  And I said hello and he smiled at me.

p.s.  J is a rockstar.  He drove the entire way.  I was in no shape to drive.  He was completely exhausted by the time we arrived, but still managed to stay awake and even hold and interact with the baby too.

Gabriel James Christner

born Feb. 28, 2010, 10:36 a.m.

6 lbs 13 oz, 19.5 inches

entrusted to us today, March 2nd

welcome home, little bird.  we are so glad to meet you.

and boy did we enjoy it!  mmm…. lasagna and baked ziti at roman candle?  delicious!

oh, and we also found out that the c-section was bumped up a week to March 2.  We’re leaving tomorrow.

eek!

p.s. last night i had a really great 2 hour conversation on the phone with “c.”  it was nice to talk to her again after a long stretch of only really texting.  we crack each other up.

i realized the other day that there’s a big difference between saying that we can’t have kids OF our own vs. ON our own.  No matter how our kids come to join our family, they WILL be “our own” even if we didn’t contribute the genetics to knit them together ourselves.  Interesting how that one tiny letter makes such a big difference.

a few of my wonderful friends threw me not one, but TWO showers this weekend.  The first was on Friday night and was an everyone-is-invited sort of shower featuring homemade sushi.  YUM!

J and I got to open presents together (it’s so much more comfortable when someone else shares the spotlight!) and we got some very lovely gifts.  a few etsy treasures:

a few things off of our registry (thank you!!) and the group gift–diapers!  since the cloth diapers that we are planning to use weren’t currently in stock yet (it’s a brand new brand called “best bottoms” and they’re made as locally as possible and seem to be really well designed), I asked my friends to just get us a gift certificate and we’ll purchase them when they become available.  apparently, they felt the need to give us a stop-gap solution, so they crafted these beauties:

i’m not really sure about the logistics of using that roll of t.p. or where the handle on the milk jug is supposed to go, but hopefully we won’t have to use these very long.  🙂

the second shower took place on Sunday morning and was more of a “girl’s day out” type of shower.  Since all of the women that morning had also attended the Friday night shower, I asked that this one be “no gifts,” so instead, we all ate enormous and delicious breakfasts at the original pancake house (mmmm… potato pancakes and cherry crepes), then went and got pedicures.

i decided to go a little wild and get banana yellow toes!  (sorry about the blurry picture.  i’m still getting used to my new toy from j.)

then, three of us went back to the party organizer’s house to carve stamps.  when the kids came back from their outing, they wanted in on the stamp carving action, so i carved one drawing from each of the older kids.  (the octopus below was a kid design–i seem to have missed photographing the kitty head that the other kid drew.  the other stamps below are my own design.)

all told, it was a fantastic weekend.  thanks, dear friends, for your generosity and sense of fun.  this was a great distraction!

yes, j and i are planning to go out to see some great movies this weekend and maybe eat at a restaurant or two….

but the real “date” news is that the c-section has been scheduled for march 9.

🙂

today was my first baby shower.  the crown you see above was mine to wear and was (frankly) a little terrifying.  for several reasons.  for one, the glitter was pretty loose and if i tilted my head wrong, i got a sprinkling of sequins in my punch.  for two, well, look at that word up there.  those three little letters that represent something i’ve wanted to be for so long, but i’m not quite there yet.  and it could be three more weeks or three more years and i JUST DON”T KNOW.  But I think I managed to convince myself (at least for the duration of the party) that it will be sooner rather than later.  and i got some really wonderful gifts. (although, oddly, no books!)  here are some handmade favorites:

thanks, everyone!

last night, “C” texted me to ask if we’d come up with a name yet.

I replied with the name we’d been talking about earlier that evening (and no, I won’t tell you what the name is, so stop trying to guess!).  We’d realized that this name, while it wasn’t either of our #1 favorites (which we’ve each stubbornly stuck to for WEEKS!), was a name we both liked equally well and could see maybe fitting on this kid.

So, I texted her the name and waited for a reply.

Minutes ticked by and I started feeling anxious.  No reply.

Half an hour went by, no reply.  Is this the whole, “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” thing? Does she hate the name?

Two hours went by.  Still no reply.  I’m in the tippy top branches of the crazy tree at this point, convinced that she hates the name and is going to raise the baby herself because these two nincompoops can’t even pick a good name, so how on earth could they take care of a child?

By 11:00, I’d done my best to shove these thoughts aside and get over it. We could come up with another name.  Back to the drawing board.

At 11:20, on a whim, I checked my phone, just in case I’d missed the ring.

She’d replied at 7:23 (right after my text–my phone just hadn’t rung for some reason).

She likes the name too.