Adopting after Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnston
This was one of the best books we’ve read about our situation.  It walks you through some of the difficult emotions that accompany the loss of the assumption of pregnancy and birth, and then talks about how to decide whether adoption is right for your family and then how to do that.

Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother by Jana Wolff
A short read that follows one woman’s story about adopting transracially in an open adoption situation.  I think the author has become pretty well-known in adoption circles.  I keep seeing her name popping up in magazines and blogs.

Adoption is a Family Affair:  What Friends and Family Must Know by Patricia Irwin Johnston
Although this book is mainly aimed at the parents of adopting couples, it would be a helpful read to anyone wanting to know a little bit about what the prospective  adoptive parents are going through and the best ways to support them through the process.

In Their Own Voices:  Transracial Adoptees tell their stories
I haven’t gotten all the way through this one, but the theme seems to be that there is no “typical” story or “typical” reaction of transracial adoptees.  Some are bitter, some are indifferent, some love their families….  it’s a good reminder of the individuality of all adoptees and a nice cross-section sampling of some of the different reactions they can have to the fact that they are adopted.

Parenting Your Adopted Child by Andrew Adesman
Although I’m about 75% done reading this book, I think it would be more useful once we’re actually parenting a child.

20 Things Adoptees Wish their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge
This book made me so nervous about adopting (no matter what we do, our kid will hate us!) that after i read a few chapters, I made J read it and summarize it for me.  He got frustrated with the poorly edited language and the fact that the author seems to have only one or two major points (don’t keep your adoption secret from the kid, don’t lie to them in general) and she just repeats them over and over using different scenarios.  He went onto Amazon and apparently there are two kinds of reviewer responses to this book:  a) “I was so glad to hear that someone else feels this way and that I’m not alone!”  or b) “This book is a bunch of fearmongering hooey.  Just treat your kids honestly and with respect.”

yesterday i finally made calls to some local agencies.  it turns out that there are only about 4 different non-denominationally-affiliated adoption agencies in our town.  not that i’m opposed to denominations, but if i’m not Catholic or Mormon, it feels sort of misleading to apply for adoption at one of their agencies.  anyway, we’ve already met with one of the other four agencies awhile back because a friend recommended that one.  In our conversation with her, it seemed like their agency works more with international adoption, so we’re checking out the others, but keeping #1 as a back-up plan (they have done domestic, but just not as frequently).  Here’s my report on the other 3 in case you’re curious:

#2–A largish organization that another friend worked with.  The first step in their process is to attend one of their informational seminars (or pay $100 for a private meeting at your convenience) which happen about four times a year in our town (they have other meetings in other towns in our state too).  The next big informational meeting isn’t until May 27, and we don’t really want to wait that long, so I think we might try the $100 option.  in the big scheme of expenses for this adventure, that seems like pocket change.

#3–A smaller organization that only does in-state, domestic adoptions.  They also only have 20 “active” families in the pool at one time, so if you want to work with them, you basically have to get into a waiting list to get into the active pool.  I called and right now they’ve got a full pool of 20 PLUS 8 on the waiting list (they limit the waiting list to 10, so apparently it might be possible to be on the waiting list to get onto their waiting list to wait).  She talked about how there’s one adoption that should be clearing imminently, and two more in June and one in July (when the babies are born and assuming that everything goes through without problems) and sort of thought we might be able to get into the pool of 20 by this fall sometime but…. i just don’t think i would enjoy being on the waiting list to wait AT ALL.  i think we’ll skip this organization.

#4–another small organization (possibly only one person?).  The first step in their process is a free, one-on-one meeting to talk about the options.  We’ve got an appointment to meet with them on Monday night.  They do both international and domestic–domestic mostly from Georgia, but also Illinois and Texas–so we’ll see!