Does anyone remember way back when we were waiting for baby dude* to be born and I might have said something about feeling “covertly pregnant”? Like I could choose when and with whom I’d share the information and didn’t constantly have strangers asking me when I was due and what the gender was and what we were going to name it and OMG, You’re HUGE!? Yeah, well, maybe there’s a purpose to that part of pregnancy. It now feels VERY strange to suddenly be the focus of attention when I walk into stores with a teeny tiny baby in tow and have total strangers ooh and ahh over him and ask how old he is (and then frequently tell me how great I look). Sometimes it makes me feel like a fake–like I’m getting away with something. So far, I haven’t felt obligated to tell any of these people that he was adopted. I mean, it’s none of their business, really, and I don’t want to qualify our relationship in a way that some uneducated (in the adoption world) people may read as “second best.” Plus, it seems like an awkward segue (“He’s three weeks old. We adopted him!”). So instead, “Yes, he’s my son. Yes, he’s very new. And yes, thank you, I DO look great!”
*after my parents were here for a week, my mother mentioned something jokingly about “baby dude” and I looked at her blankly and she said, “well, that’s what you call him all the time.” I had no idea! But now that she’s pointed it out, I’ve realized that I DO call him that. huh. weird. wonder where I got that? Anyway, I’d been thinking about using some sort of nickname for him here on this blog, so we’ll try this one out for awhile and see if it sticks.
4 comments ↓
I loved reading your blog and catching up on your journey. I agree that there’s no reason to tell anyone your beautiful amazing son is adopted, and I think that if someone gives you a particularly “hard time” about “looking so great”. You just tell them, “I know! Isn’t it wonderful, I convinced my OB to do a tummy tuck at the same time as my c-section!. And, no, I’m not allowed to give out my OB’s name.”
I always loved the “you look great” comments. It’s nice to have people telling you that all the time!! 🙂 I didn’t feel the need to explain to perfect strangers either!
I called Little Man “Dude” for the first few days. That evolved into “Doodlebug,” which is now what I call him. Plus, “Doodles,” “Oodles of Doodles” and basically anything else that will elicit a smile!
I met a neighbor yesterday and felt compelled to point out we’d adopted LM. Why? I have no idea…I’ve been pondering it for 24 hours now. Maybe because he’s a different race? Because I’m proud? I have no idea…
And just say, “Thanks! I DO look great!!”
I just have to add a comment. I am reading the “you look great comment” Yeah you didn’t have the weight gain and other the other things that pregnancy does to a person BUT you do have the less sleep factor and all that comes with being a new mom and that takes away from “you are fake” b/c you aren’t fake you do look great when I see you despite all that being a new mom does to a person.
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