an invitation to you, the readers of riftraft

while we were still mired in paperwork, a friend of mine asked if I would like to have a “blessingway.”  I’d only recently even heard of blessingways and my impression was that they were sort of touchy-feely, incense-laden versions of baby showers and my only clear memory of what actually happens at a blessingway is that the mother-to-be gets a henna tattoo on her very pregnant belly and everyone shares stories about their birth experiences.  Needless to say, I was a wee bit skeptical and hesitant.  But I had been thinking that it would be nice to have some sort of ritual gathering, some sort of ceremony to … say goodbye to my “dream (genetic-related) child”?  ….. affirm our plans to adopt?  … gather together a group of friends in a showing of support for this upcoming journey?  I wasn’t sure what I wanted, so I asked my friend to send me some ideas of what a blessingway WAS and what the people attending one might actually DO.  I certainly didn’t want anyone tattooing my belly, henna or otherwise.

My friend sent me a few links with some ideas and one idea in particular jumped out at me.  The idea was that at the event, each person was to weave (braid) a bracelet from embroidery floss (or whatever) and then wear the bracelet until the baby was born, as a show of support during the time of waiting.  Wow.  The idea that someone would wear something every day until we brought a baby home still brings tears to my eyes.  What an incredibly strong symbol to say, “we know you are waiting.  we know you are thinking about this constantly.  we are waiting and thinking with you.  no matter how long it takes.  this thing that we’re wearing will remind us that you are still waiting and thinking.  It will remind us to send prayers and thoughts of strength and peace and patience your way.”

The original braided bracelet idea was only supposed to last a matter of days or weeks and it didn’t seem like a sturdy enough symbol to last the amount of time we might have to wait before we bring our baby home.  Plus, who am I kidding?  I don’t even wear one piece of jewelry every single day (well, except for my wedding and engagement rings, I suppose)–how could I possibly ask anyone else to do the same?  But I do have a necklace that says, “Be Peace” that I wear frequently.  I’ve worn it throughout this process.  I wore it each time I went in for an embryo transfer.  I’ve worn it each day that I’ve needed the reminder and the comfort of that simple message.  Maybe I could ask my friends to create or purchase some sort of pendant that they could wear occasionally and when they’re not wearing it, maybe keep it near a mirror or somewhere visible in their house or car as a reminder of our wait and as a reminder to send a quick thought or prayer our way.

And so, we are having a blessingway this weekend.  There may be some henna (for hands or feet only, not bellies!).  There will definitely be yummy desserts and cozy hot drinks.  And I’m hoping that there will also be a chance for everyone to create a pendant (using clay) imprinted with a word or two that is their wish for us during this time of waiting.  When our baby comes home, I’d love to put together a mobile or some other art piece that incorporates these pendants (if my friends are willing to part with them) as a beautiful symbol of the community of friends and support that this child will be welcomed into.  But during this time of waiting, I’d love to just be able to believe that every day, at least one of my friends is wearing their pendant and thinking of us.

Many of you, dear readers, live very far away and were unable to attend this event.  If you would like to create a pendant or some other symbol, I invite you to choose the word you’d like to use, then either craft your own pendant (I can send suggested instructions if you’d like) or purchase one (many of the sellers on etsy will make custom jewelry pieces.  search for “name necklaces” or “name pendants”).  Then, I’d love it if you would take a photo of your pendant and send it to me, along with a message about why you chose that particular word.  I’ll collect these messages together in a notebook (the blessingway attendees are also writing down messages for this notebook) and whenever I have a frustrating day, I hope that I can read your words and gain strength from them.  Even if you don’t choose to participate in the necklace thing, you can still feel free to choose a word for us.  I so appreciate knowing that we have such a supportive group of family and friends to help us weather this next chapter in the story of building our family.  thank you.