adoptism?

so on one hand, i’ve read some articles that have pointed out some insensitive things that people have said about adoption–apparently some people’s response to “we’re planning to adopt!” is “I’m so sorry.” — who the hell does THAT?! but usually the comments are a little more subtle and definitely not intentionally hurtful, but could imply that the speaker thinks of adoption as a “second best” option. at least one author I’ve read refers to that kind of thinking as “adoptism.”

but on the other hand, even the social worker that we went to see last week pointed out that “in a perfect world, adoption wouldn’t have to exist. all parents who gave birth to babies would want them and be able to keep them. all parents who wanted babies would be able to have them at the point in their lives that they were ready for them. but those things aren’t true and so adoption is how we make a positive thing out of a not-perfect situation.” or something like that. adoption deals with a lot of very difficult emotional fallout– for everyone involved and for the rest of your life. is this one of those situations where people on the inside of the situation can admit the things that are difficult and painful and stressful, but those on the outside aren’t allowed to notice? or is adoptism more about prejudice against the adoptee as a person and not so much about prejudice against the process of adoption?