Saturday was my first day back at work. I only worked the morning and did my very popular monthly “Donuts with Dad” program. People weren’t expecting to see me back quite yet, so I had some very excited kids actually chanting my name they were so happy to see me. (I love my job.) When I was cleaning up after the program, one of my co-workers stopped to talk to me and we ended up getting into a more-than-superficial conversation about parenting and childcare. She has a young daughter (less than 2 years old, I think) who she takes to a daycare while she’s at work during the week when her husband is also at work, so this is all very current for her. She asked me if it was hard to be back at work. She asked me if it felt like I was missing a piece of my body. I thought about it for a minute and had to admit, that …. no, it didn’t. Was this because Baby Dude was at home happily sleeping next to J instead of in a daycare with “strangers”? Or is this an adoption thing? I mean, he wasn’t EVER “a part of my body” so do I feel less physically attached to him because I’ve only known him for 6 weeks and I’m still, in some ways, slowly allowing myself to believe in my deepest heart that he really is my son forever? Does he feel less like “part of my body” because I’m not constantly attached to him while nursing? Or is this just a difference in our personalities? I don’t regret not experiencing that sensation (who wants to be missing part of their body?) and I don’t feel particularly guilty about it, but I’m just curious.
5 comments ↓
Hmm… I’d side with your first hunch. For me it has always been different leaving the girls with their daddy than with anyone else. I don’t worry at all, and consequently I don’t think about the fact that my children are elsewhere as much. The first day Leah was in daycare, even though she was in the same building with me and I could spy on her from time to time, it was VERY different and I DID cry. Perhaps I didn’t feel like a part of me was missing – I just worried and fretted and wanted the day to be done so I could take her home. (It did get easier, by the way.) 🙂
I feel the way you do…my (adopted) baby is 6 months old, and I don’t feel like he’s a part of my body. I was just feeling guilty about that last night. And I still have trouble saying “my son”, or “mommy”, or things like that in front of other people…like maybe they’ll think that’s not accurate?? I don’t know why I feel this way–it surprised me. I am adopted myself, and I never felt like I WASN’T my (adoptive) parents’ child…not once. I think it’s just a hard switch to make after waiting so long, wanting so much, and hurting so badly.
i think you nailed it when you said “difference in personalities”. i did all that carrying in the body/nursing stuff and have never felt like that – like the separation is unbearable. on my eldest’s first day of kindergarten, a co-coworker asked “did you just CRY when you dropped him off?” and i just looked at her like she was nuts. “are you kidding?” i thought… “i practically danced a jig – no more paying for daycare!!!” i save the crying for things like “first started reading”…
I thought I would feel like that. My co-workers told me stories like, “Oh, my first day back to work I just cried all day.” For me it was wonderful going back to work and having adult company and being thanked for doing things.
Though I don’t have experience, I’ve noticed the personality thing is a rather big factor. My SiL can go away for a weekend to scrapbook without guilt or needing to call home everyday. Not that she doesn’t miss her kids while gone, she just realizes they’re in good hands and she gets a break.
Leave a Comment